Recently I did a video on YouTube where I answered questions my followers had regarding my adoption. I’m going to include the questions I addressed plus a few more that were asked after I filmed the video here. If you have any additional questions feel free to ask! At the bottom of this post I will link my Adoption Story video’s so that if you are interested you can learn a bit more about my background.
Why and when did you consider adoption?
We had been trying to conceive with no luck. Plus, growing up I had a best friend that was adopted and an aunt who adopted so I got to see what an amazing blessing adoption can be. Because of that I had always considered adopting one day.
What Kind of adoption did you decide and why?
We decided to go with domestic adoption. We considered both domestic and international but domestic seemed to be a better fit. Due to my husband’s job it would have been hard to travel out of the country for an extended period of time, which our agency required for international adoption.
How old was your child when you adopted them?
He was 1 month old when we brought him home. We were able to be there for his birth though so we’ve known him from day 1.
How many months was the birth mom when you were picked by her?
She was 8 months along.
If the birth mom wants to choose the name of the baby, can she?
In our situation we got to pick the name. We ran the names we were considering by Jason’s birth mom to be sure she liked them though. I suppose in some cases the birth mom can and will name the baby but once the baby is signed over to the adoptive parents it is their choice whether to keep the name or change it.
Where did your child come from? Did your child have cultural or language problems?
Because we picked Domestic Adoption our child came from the United States. He has lived with us all 4 years of his life so there have been no language issues. He is 50% hispanic and 50% caucasian so we haven’t experienced any cultural issues because his cultural background is similar to ours. But we will be incorporating both parts of his ethnicity into our family.
What was The most difficult part of The adoption process?
I would say the day he was born was the hardest part. The birth mom wanted us to be at the hospital and wanted us to hold him after he was born. But her family was also there and they did not agree with her choice to adopt…needless to say there was a lot of drama, dysfunction, and stress that day! To top it off I was a couple months pregnant with Jonah so my hormones were already off the hook. 😉
How Long did it take from when you started the adoption process until you took your child home?
It took us roughly 2 years total.
Why did the Bridge Care Home have Jason so long?
Bridge Care had Jason for about a month because our paperwork was being finalized. After the paperwork was finished Megan went to court and signed her rights to Jason over to us.
Do you think a parent of an adopted child has The same feelings towards their kids than a biological parent towards theirs?
This is an excellent question! It’s also a hard one for me to answer because I’d love to tell you it is exactly the same, but it isn’t. I love Jason just as much as I love Jonah…but we bonded differently. Not better, not worse, just different. I’m not sure exactly how to describe it but because Jason came from another women there was an intense love but not an intense bond immediately. I was fortunate to be there at Jason’s birth and to take him home at 1 month old so I feel our bonding didn’t take as long as some adoptive families. However our bonding was more of a gradual build up than an immediate thing. Plus, with Jason, not only do I have an extreme love and connection with him but I also have that love and connection to his birth mother. This makes me connected to Jason in a totally different way. It is such a special connection!
Do you think of adopting/having another kid?
Not really, I feel that our family of 5 (including my dog) is complete. The boys are best friends and I just don’t imagine a 3rd in the mix. Our family dynamic is great as it is!
What about his birth father? Does he have contact the same as birth mother?
No, his birth father is not in the picture. When his birth mom found out he was pregnant he peaced out. She did inform him that she was giving Jason up for adoption but he didn’t have any interest in seeing him before she signed the papers. He willingly signed the papers with no issue. We have never met him but in the future if he had interest in meeting us we would be open to it.
I want to adopted as well but i have no idea how to start…
I hear you, it was the same for us! It can be a whirlwind when you first decide to adopt. The best advice I can give is to do your research. If you google search adoption agencies in your area/state there will undoubtedly be plenty that show up. From there pick a few that stand out to you as good options. Then look into what they offer as far as informational meetings. Most agencies provide free meetings or workshops for people who are considering adoption. We went to 3 adoption informational meetings and ended up picking the 3rd agency that we went to. It was a bit stressful but we were so happy with the one that we chose!
How old was your sons birthmom when she got pregnant?
She was 19 years old.
Were you scared about her changing her mind after giving birth? If so, What would have you done? What plan do adoption agencies have for those cases?
Great questions! Yes, I was nervous but Megan (Jason’s birthmom) had reassured us that she would not change her mind. I know it sounds strange but we connected so deeply with her in that month we spent together before Jason’s birth that I trusted her. I also trusted God to do what was best for us all. If she would have changed her mind, I had the unique situation of also being pregnant. So either way I did have comfort in knowing that I would be a mother. If the adoption would have fallen through we would have continued with the adoption process after I had Jonah. If the birth mother changed her mind the agency would have done it’s best to find another birth mother who would pick us. They would offer us support and encouragement as we continued the adoption process.
Are you scared of the birthmom wanting Jason back?
No. Firstly, she legally can’t have him back. Secondly, she has her own life now and is very happy where she is at. She is actually currently pregnant and expecting a little girl. Lastly, we have a relationship with Megan. She knows us (including Jason) and we know her. We are not keeping her a secret from Jason or Jason hidden from her so there will not be some big mystery for either of them as to what each other is like. There is a lot of respect, trust, and comfort in our situation. I am totally at peace with it.
What Kind of relationship you keep with Jasons birthmom?
We keep in touch. She see’s photos of Jason regularly and we message back and forth. We try to see her about once a year which is a special time for all of us.
What requirements do a couple have to fullfill to “get in The books” of the adoption agency? Marriage? Money? Race?
Firstly, any race is able to complete an adoption, that is universal for all agencies. The other requirements are based on the agency. Some are more strict with what they allow than others. I will just tell you what my agencies policies were. I don’t believe you had to be married but I think everyone in our adoption class was either married or engaged. Although you didn’t have to be rich to adopt we did have to show that we were financially stable and able to afford it. Our agency allow payments to be made in segments throughout our adoption process so that was nice.
Thanks to all who submitted questions!